A key component of recovery is learning how to love and care for others. It is through this process that we also learn to love ourselves; to open ourselves up to being vulnerable, compassionate and empathetic.

By learning kindness and building a support network, we increase our happiness and decrease depression. These critical attributes help keep relapse triggers at bay and maintain lasting sobriety.

Caring For Others and Its Effect on Your Sobriety

Dr. Maria Pagano of Case Western Reserve University has spent over a decade studying addicts and social connections. Her research has shown links between caring for others and increased sobriety. Specifically, she and her colleagues have identified four elements that can increase the chances of staying sober by up to 50 percent! These include a supportive network, reduced isolation, decreased social anxiety and, particularly, helping others.

In one of their studies, Dr. Pagano and her team documented that individuals who engaged in helping behaviors and activities showed higher interest in others for an extended period of time. Jill Suttie, of Berkeley University’s Greater Good Magazine, reported Dr. Pagano as having said, “helping others may have a unique impact on maintaining long-term sobriety because it appears to decrease some of the psychological markers of the disease—high levels of narcissism and entitlement—that make one prone to addiction and less likely to enter recovery in the first place.”

Learning How to Care For Others By Preventing Bullying

Bullying, especially in today’s society, has become a widely talked about subject. From workplace bullying to school bullying to cyberbullying, there’s a good chance you or someone you know has been the victim of bullying at some point in life.

By definition, bullying is repeated, unwanted, aggressive behavior that seeks to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable. Bullying can also be used to ostracize or exclude any individual(s). At times, bullying can go as far as becoming a criminal offense such as harassment, hazing, or assault.

Most often, bullying refers to youths, particularly in the 12-18 age range. However, bullying can be just as prevalent in adults, especially in the workplace or social cliques.

When you experience bullying as a bystander, it can make you feel very uncomfortable. You may instinctively laugh or even encourage the bully. You may worry about what others will think and if you may become the target of bullying. You might do nothing at all because you simply don’t know what to do or say.

You’re not alone. Bullying statistics in youth show that adult intervention is only 4%! Peer or classmate intervention is 11%. This means that 9 out of 10 times, nobody stops the bullying.

Taking An Active Stance Against Bullying

Though it is not always easy to handle a bullying situation, know that you can prevent bullying from an active stance rather than a defensive one. Bullies typically have low self-esteem and project their issues and insecurities onto others. By becoming defensive, arguing, or being mean back to a bully, you are simply “fueling the fire.” Instead, take on an active, positive approach and be the support that the victim needs in such a vulnerable time.

  • Control your emotions, taking a step back to think clearly and carefully about your actions.
  • Support your child, relative, or friend by taking interest in what they are saying and finding out more information. You shouldn’t let them feel that what they are experiencing isn’t important or that they just need to “deal with it.”
  • Do not advise fighting back; more often than not it just makes the situation worse.
  • If you’re dealing with a school or work situation, counselors/teachers or upper management/HR should be advised of the situation.
  • Get support from other bystanders or peers.
  • Intervene directly by expressing displeasure, defending the victim, and redirecting the situation in a calm and self-assured manner.

Putting someone else’s needs above our own is a tremendous opportunity for growth and healing. By showing compassion to others, especially during a stressful situation, we learn to empathize. Recognizing vulnerability and pain in others keeps us humble. When helping someone in need, not only does it increase our self-esteem, but it makes us happy and reduces stress.

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