Across the United States, nearly 20% of children ages 12 to 18 are victims of chronic bullying incidents. Bullying, by definition, is a series of unwanted or aggressive behaviors and actions directed from an aggressor (the bully) to a victim (the bullied). Bullying can occur in exchanges from one individual to another singular person or in group settings.

What is Bullying? When Does Bullying Occur?

Bullying is a series of repetitive and aggressive behaviors. Usually, these behaviors are directed from one individual (the bully) to the other (the victim). Due to the bold and extreme nature bullying can exude, many people mistakenly believe that it is easy to decipher when an individual is being bullied. But, it actually can be very challenging to determine when someone is struggling with a bully or not. Although in most instances, aggressive behaviors are readily determinable as bullying, there are instances in which some actions are not as easily decipherable. Bullying can be blatant and straightforward. But bullying can also be very discreet.

Victims of bullying often suffer from much emotional harm, low self-esteem, and other short and long-term adverse effects. But it is not only the victim who suffers such negative lash back from bullying, but the bully also tends to suffer significantly from adverse emotional and mental side effects as a result of their abuse of others. Not every individual being bullied will display signs or symptoms of abuse. Some individuals may continue to be bullied without ever showing any outwards adverse effects of peer pressure or abuse. Still, for other victims, the effects of bullying may prove too severe, and they can begin to manifest severe adverse reactions as a result of their plight with a bully. Some of the damaging effects of being bullied can result in:

  • Behavior changes
  • Mood swings
  • Appearances changes
  • Low self-esteem
  • The development of harmful coping mechanisms
  • Increase in argumentative tendencies
  • The bullied becoming a bully to others

The effects of bullying are various and widespread. And children are not the only ones who suffer from the adverse impact of bullies in life. Adults often struggle with bullies as well. Even though there is presently no statistical rate that can name how many adults suffer from bullying events in their adult lives. There are fully grown men and women who still suffer from the adverse effects of being bullied at home, in friend groups, or even in the workplace frequently.

Characteristics of Bullying

Bullying can occur to almost anyone at any time. But the characteristic of each bullying situation can vary greatly. Some attributes of aggressive or unwanted behavior in bullying scenarios can include:

  • Name-calling
  • Physical fights
  • Threatening attempts
  • Intimidation
  • Power struggles/power imbalances
  • Arguing
  • Severe peer pressure
  • The exploitation of insecurities or shortcomings for “fun”

And other aggressive or unsavory characteristics that can lead to the mental, emotional, or physical battering of an individual for the amusement of another. Anyone can be a bully. Small children can bully smaller children; rich kids can prey on poor kids; adults struggling for power in the workplace may step on others to get what they want, and so on.

Bullying can affect anyone, and anybody can be a bully. There are even instances where bullies do not recognize that they are bullying others. But the presence of bullying, regardless of whether it is intentional or not, can lead to severe lifestyle changes and consequences.

Some individuals who are bullied frequently may begin to lean on alcohol or substance abuse to cope with the adverse effects of a bullying situation. And substance abuse can lead to other life-threatening circumstances or problems that may press an individual to enroll in a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center like St. John’s Recovery Place (SJRP) for addiction treatment. But how can you tell if you or a loved one is a bully? Is there a way you can help prevent such extreme, potentially life-threatening effects and situations from occurring?

7 Signs You May Be The Bully

No one likes bullying, and no one deserves to be bullied. Every individual is constantly looking for individuals we think may be bullies to either protect ourselves or our loved ones. Sometimes this awareness is the result of a subconscious search by an individual, and other times it is the result of a more conscious mission for self-preservation. But what happens when someone comes to the surprising realization that they are the bully?

Bullying is often a distinctive set of repetitive harmful, humiliating, and aggressive behaviors directed towards one specific individual. Yet, even though bullying as an action may often be very straightforward, it is not always easy to pick up on. Individuals who are bullied may not display warning signs of abuse, and picking up who is a bully by nature can also provide difficulty. Bullying tendencies are often born in the early childhood development years of an individual as either the result of poor home life or as a response of an individual being bullied themselves.

Yet, even though the bullying characteristic is made and not born, the aggressive tendencies learned during this time tend to integrate into a person’s overall personality as they grow older. But just because a person is a bully does not mean they will bully everyone. Bullies pick and choose their victims, consciously and unconsciously, based on how fearful or non-assertive this person may be.

Sometimes the effects of bullying may be labeled “mild.” These “mild” bullying situations may occur where a bully may not be overly aggressive outwardly but instead may take on the image of a more assertive “friend.” These “friends” can be extremely powerful planners who spend a great deal of their time taking charge of the events and activities in their friendship circles. Other times bullying is exceptionally severe, often played out with much agitation and even physical and emotional harm.

But the most crucial factor to keep in mind here is that bullies are made; they are not born. And almost all bullies are the product of bullying, poor home environments, or other events of adverse events. Sometimes an individual can be a bully without intentionally intending to be one. They may bully others without realizing it, as they look for a sense of control over their lives. Or they may bully others as a result of being bullied themselves. If you are worried that you or a loved one may be a bully, here are a few warning signs to look out for. You may be a bully if:

  • You are obsessed with being the center of attention or being the “cool” or “popular” person in any social group.
  • You may be a bully if the people you spend most of your time with display aggressive, angry, or mean-spirited behaviors frequently.
  • You may be a bully if you lack empathy for others.
  • You may be a bully if you get frustrated and lash out when you do not get your way.
  • You may be a bully if trying to take the dominant role(s) in workplace positions is a daily driving motivator for you.
  • You may be a bully if you do not accept responsibility for your actions.
  • You may be a bully if you blame others for your problems.

And you may feel the need to perform mean-spirited actions or throw biting verbal blows at individuals for no particular reason. Of course, bullying is often more complex than society cares to admit. If you display only one or two of these bullying characteristics listed above, you may not be a bully. To determine whether or not you are a bully, you must do a great deal of self-contemplation and examination. You must also do a great deal of work to understand what bullying truly is and how to recognize it in action.

No matter the reason or the warning sign, bullying can prove a challenging negative social complexity to understand. And it can prove even harder to battle against. But, just like drug and alcohol addictions do not have to remain the story your life revolves around. If you or a loved one is a bully, you can learn to find empathy and compassion for others and yourself.

No one likes a bully. And no one wants to be bullied. Like no one likes to be a drug addict or alcoholic. But the good news is, you do not have to remain a bully your entire life. You can heal from your past traumas that inspired your aggressive actions towards others. You can grow and learn to be better. You can heal, just like individuals who suffer from addiction and attend rehabs like St. John’s Recovery Place (SJRP) can heal.

So, if you are nervous that you or a loved one of yours may be a bully, take a moment to reflect upon yourself and the way you treat others. If you find that you do not like the image you see in the mirror, do not panic. You can stop being a bully. All you need to do now is take the next step to learn not to be a bully by talking to a therapist, trusted friend, or loved one to begin your path to healing and self-realization. We believe in your ability to heal, and you should too! And once you heal, you can help others recover too.

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