Manipulation is an age-old concept that every person encounters at one point in their life or another. The skillful influencing of another human being, manipulation by nature ultimately serves selfish or self-serving ideals. Some behavior specialists say that newborns and small children are some of the best manipulators. Children from early on in life learn to influence older kids and adults to meet their needs and demands through pouting practices, crying, whining, or even throwing temper tantrums when they do not get their way.

Manipulative tendencies are born in innate human nature. And even though most people grow out of their manipulative tendencies as they reach adulthood, men, women, and children of all ages and backgrounds may still restore to manipulative practices to get what they want from time to time. People in relationships may attempt to use manipulative techniques to influence their partners’ actions or emotions. Children may try to goad their parents to do as they wish. Even employers may manipulate employees to get them to work longer hours for them. And parents themselves may try to twist scenarios and words to mold their children’s lives into what they wish them.

Although children may be manipulation experts, and most adults may not use manipulative practices intentionally in their adult lives, some would attempt to manipulate others with purposeful and harmful intentions. At its core, manipulation is selfish, self-serving, and destructive to either the manipulator, the person they are looking to manipulate, or both. Individuals who suffer from drug and alcohol use disorders often attempt to use manipulative tactics to get what they want from friends and family members to maintain their patterns of abuse.

For this reason and more, addiction rehabilitation centers like St. John’s Recovery Place (SJRP) work diligently to provide their clients with thorough rehab services and therapies. These services exist to help clients challenge themselves to recognize and re-write some of their personality flaws to promote healing and long-term sobriety. Most chronic manipulators do not realize they are exercising such harmful personality traits. In contrast, others may recognize the signs but still believe that their way of interacting with the world is best. In the end, no one truly wants to be a chronic manipulator. Many regularly repetitive manipulating circumstances may gain the label of bullying, and no one ever likes or wants to be a bully.

But, what if you are one of the people who does not realize they are manipulative? Is there a way to tell if you are a manipulator? And if you can figure out if you are manipulating others or not, is it possible to stop your manipulative ways?

5 Signs You May Be A Manipulator

Manipulation can take on many forms. Chronic manipulators are masters at using a series of different tricks to influence thoughts, feelings, and actions to goad others into doing their bidding. Some of the tools manipulators may use to get others to do what they want may include:

  • Guilt-tripping
  • Playing mind games with others
  • Feigning innocence or ignorance of an issue
  • Denying
  • Lying
  • Comparing
  • Complaining
  • Withholding affection
  • Using cruel humor
  • Exaggerating circumstances or scenarios
  • Generalizing circumstances or scenarios
  • Being extremely verbally judgmental of others
  • Acting out through passive-aggressive actions

Many manipulators will also use gaslighting tactics in an attempt to bend another person to their will. Although in some instances manipulation may occur on small, largely unharmful scales, a chronic manipulator will use any tool they can to influence another person into doing what they want them to without remorse. Of course, some individuals do not realize or truly recognize the consequences of their manipulation of others. Not all impulsive manipulators intend to be malicious, but manipulation is selfish at its core. If you believe that you or a loved one of yours may be a manipulator, but you are not sure how to determine whether you are manipulating others or not, here are a few signs to look out for to identify manipulation practices in yourself:

  • You do things for others with expectations that they will do something for you in return constantly.
  • You punish others intentionally with passive-aggressive actions when you do not get what you want from them.
  • You intentionally make people feel guilty.
  • You go to great lengths to get what you want from people, no matter the consequences.
  • You lie to get people to do what you want.

Individuals who may chronically manipulate others may also exhibit behaviors in which they have difficulty voicing their needs or wants and may even projection their insecurities onto others. Unfortunately, some behavioralists believe that you probably are one if you fear that you are a manipulator. The good news is that no matter what brought you to become a manipulator, the prowess of manipulative tendencies does not hold absolute power over you. You can learn how not to be a manipulator.

How to Stop Manipulating Others

Individuals become manipulative for a variety of reasons. They may feel as though people will not take them seriously if they ask for what they want or need. Others may develop manipulative tendencies as a result of occurring personality disorders. And in some cases, substance use disorders and addiction may drive ordinary people to be manipulative in their impulsive want and search for getting high or drunk. Even though manipulation at its core is selfish and self-serving, it can also be a defense mechanism. And like other adverse personality traits that occur as a result of trauma, a manipulator can learn how to stop manipulating others. Some of the methods that individuals use to learn to stop influencing others include:

  • Talking to a therapist regularly
  • Working on their self-esteem
  • Seeing a family counselor
  • Going to couples therapy
  • Work on learning to listen to others instead of taking control of a conversation
  • Start exercising to help you regulate hormones and improve emotional control

Some individuals even begin to pick up meditation as a practice to help relieve anxiety and perfectionist traits to help them be more aware of when they are using manipulation tactics to work on mindfully stopping manipulative actions and thoughts in their tracks. It can take time to learn to stop being a manipulator, but you will be happier for it in the end. Every person must be aware of their thoughts, emotions, and even interactions with other people.

Each individual owes it to others and themselves to work to be the best they can be. Working to heal and stop manipulating others is as much for people as individuals as it is for society, family members, and friends. Here at St. John’s Recovery Place, we recognize that manipulative tendencies can coincide with substance use disorders and addiction. Furthermore, we realize how important it is for our clients to learn how not to be manipulators anymore to aid their recovery journey. At SJRP, we work to treat every client with various traditional and alternative holistic therapies so they can grow in recovery and learn to be the best version of themselves they can be.

Addiction recovery is not a linear process, and neither is learning how to stop being a manipulator. But the good news is that recovery and healing are possible in both circumstances! Attending rehab at SJRP, healing is possible. Call us today at 1-833-397-3422 to learn more about how to start your recovery journey. We can not wait to be your cheerleaders as you work towards growth, healing, and rehabilitation.

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